Thanks to ClearanceJobs for this:

1. Is this your signature?

More often than not, this means you signed something without reading it through. Regardless of what you’re signing, remember to read first, then sign.

2. Did you approve this?

You’re about to get blamed for something, so be ready. That sound you hear is the engine of the bus you’re about to get thrown under.

3. Where is your weapon?

I don’t care who you are or what you do for a living, losing a weapon is deeply personal experience. And if you drop yours into a drum of human excrement, it gets a lot more personal in a hurry.

4. Does this person work for you?

This is never a good thing. No one asks this question because someone did something good. Just brace yourself. It’s going to get worse.

5. Did you mean to hit “reply all”?

We’ve all been there. If you haven’t, you will be one day. And if, like me, you tend to lead with sarcasm, be prepared to pay a price for your stinging wit.

6. Do you have an evaluation due?

Also, never a good thing. Someone who asks this question inevitably intends to write a mediocre report for you. Don’t feel obligated to help them: the answer is always “no.”

7. Did you get paid this month?

Meaning, of course, that you weren’t supposed to be paid this month. Like the previous question, dropping a casual “nope” usually works fine.

8. Are you signed for that?

This question is always asked right before something is taken away from you.

9. Were you expecting a call from CID?

No one ever expects a call from CID. When I got this question, I was relieved to find that they were in search of a weapon that had disappeared in Vietnam and not for all the contraband gear I had locked in the closet in my office.

10. How long has it been since you deployed?

During the heyday of the Forever Wars, this question almost always meant you were about to find yourself on a set of deployment orders. The only acceptable answer was a four-letter word.


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