Thanks to Newsweek for this:
The first stranger who asked me to test her partner’s loyalty was a single mom to five kids who believed her boyfriend was unfaithful. She had already been through a rough divorce after being cheated on and had bravely put herself out there romantically again.
Her new partner appeared to be very sympathetic to all the trauma she’d been through, but this woman started noticing some red flags, which is when she reached out to me.
She asked me to send him a message on social media when he was out of town. I approached him and said he looked familiar—nothing crazy. I engaged in general conversation with him, but it wasn’t long until he ended up being very inappropriate with me, and claiming he was single.
The whole situation was really sad, but the most difficult part was relaying that information back to a complete stranger.
I didn’t know her—I wasn’t sure how she would take it, how sensitive she was, or if she had a family to support her. She had trusted me to help her and needed to know what happened, but I was giving news that would break her heart.
I started doing these kinds of tests in high school when I would use messaging apps to try and figure out whether my friend’s boyfriends were being shady. Girls could be competitive when it came to dating back then, so I felt this was a way of being on the same team and helping each other out.
As I got older I did similar investigations to help friends going through separations or divorces; they would enlist my help to try and find information about what their partners were up to. I feel they started leaning on and trusting me, and that I was able to make them feel safe because I had their best interests at heart.
Eventually, in 2016, with their permission, I shared a video on social media about a loyalty test I had done for a friend, and it went viral. People began reaching out to me to ask whether I would check out their partners.
In the beginning, this wasn’t something I was doing on a regular basis, as my children were still very young, but I was spurred on by the relationships I developed with the people who reached out to me after I did the tests.
I quickly realized there are so many people going through this, who not only need proof they’re not going “crazy”, but also need a friend—particularly one on the outside looking in, who can be objective and say: “No, that’s not a valid excuse. No, he or she can’t treat you that way.”
Now, I carry out loyalty tests full-time in addition to my other projects and charge for my services. I put a lot of my energy and love into this, and just like any other service it takes time and effort. I wish I could pay the bills on good vibes alone, but I can’t.
The majority of my cases are heterosexual women testing men, but there have been a few men who reach out wanting to test their girlfriends, or women who want to test their female partners. I am always very honest with everyone, regardless of gender, and tell them if I believe they’re the person in the wrong.
The volume of inquiries fluctuates, but I can receive up to 1,000 per week—and in the majority of cases I take, those partners are cheating. It may sound discouraging, but this is a skewed statistic; these women are reaching out because they already suspect their partner of being unfaithful.
I receive a lot of messages from women who say they’re confused about their relationship; their partner is saying and doing the right things, but something just doesn’t feel right. Very often, their intuition is correct.
From my experience, there are red flags to look out for if you suspect a partner of cheating. While some of them are difficult to articulate, others are more obvious.
For example, if your partner is secretive with their phone, makes you feel confused about your relationship status, or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful without adequate reason to do so.
One of my biggest red flags is if your partner calls you “crazy” for feeling insecure. If you raise your concerns and they say, “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s crazy, that would never happen,” I believe that’s significant.
I always take precautions when testing someone’s partner. I never confront them myself and never give them a chance to confront me—I’m a data collector, not Jerry Springer.
I’ll often coordinate with the person who asked for the test so I can block
their partner before he or she confronts him with the data. Sometimes the person doesn’t even reveal to their partner how they came across the information.
There have been a few men who have managed to contact me; usually, they try to backpedal and make themselves out to be amazing. Normally I just roll my eyes, send a nice message, and block them.
The nastiest thing I ever received, which I shared to my TikTok account in September 2022, was a voice message from a disgruntled man calling me a b**** and saying it was my fault his wife was leaving him. To me, that was kind of comical.
I have carried out loyalty tests on high-profile people, including a successful NBA player—who, despite being in a relationship, almost instantly invited me back to his hotel after one of his games. I’ve had one man who exposed himself as a cheater and then asked me whether I still wanted to go on a date with him.
I’ve seen several cases of men living double lives, which are often the craziest. For example, I came across one woman who had an on-again, off-again fiance for a few years.
They lived together, in intervals, and she started to suspect something was going on. It turned out that he was married with kids and lived a few towns over, but the real shocking part was that his wife knew and didn’t care.
One great thing that happened, which I also shared to my TikTok account in March 2021, was when I exposed another guy for living a double life and connected his fiancé to the unknowing mistress; they actually ended up becoming friends. They would call each other to cry over this guy. It was really interesting seeing them become support systems for one another.
I still find my job difficult at some points, I will never feel comfortable giving heartbreaking news to people, but I am able to separate myself from it a little bit more now.
Just like anyone who deals with trauma or unpleasant things on a regular basis, it doesn’t make it any less hard, but you get better at coping with it. There have been times when it has affected my entire day. I just feel very disappointed. Everyone’s had those moments where they feel a complete loss of faith in humanity.
But I focus now on being in a good headspace so I can support the person who receives bad news, if they need it. On top of that, there are so many women I have developed incredible relationships with.
I have formed life-long connections with women all over the world, and know that anytime they need something from me I am there for them, and vice versa, which is a really cool feeling to have.
Madeline Smith is a social media influencer who lives in Los Angeles.
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