BREAKING NEWS: Matty Moroun Buys Gull Island! Wants $10 a head for Jobbie Nooner this year!

BREAKING NEWS!

First, rumor has it that Matty Moroun hires Mexican cartel tunnel diggers to build a private luxury underground tunnel from Detroit to Windsor and now this!

In what’s being officially referred to as “a suspicious Midnight backdoor deal” last night, billionaire Detroiter, Matty Moroun, purchased Gull Island in Lake St. Clair illegally from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for a measly $50,000! The deal was finalized this week!

Claiming to “Bring back the moral compass” to the lake, his people have reached out to the Jobbie Crew to say that anyone attending Jobbie this year will have to buy a wristband for $10 to attend or even be on or around the island.

The Jobbie Crew asked about just anchoring and not coming on the island and we were told it does not matter. His lawyers claim by buying the island they own the whole island not just what is above the water but 2500′ feet out from the island as well. They stated they will have private security to patrol and the sheriff to arrest people for trespassing!

“We are tired of immorality and lust that happens every year on and around the island” stated his attorney. “Together the moral Christian right must stand together and, so what if we make a couple of dollars off it at the same time, isn’t that the American way?”

There are multiple ownership claims to Gull Island since the island is technically legally owned by the Native American Wyandotte Nation of Oklahoma.

A gang of Indians have threatened to tomahawk and scalp Matty Moroun on-sight. They have already started patrolling around the island in canoes, hoping that he shows up to plant the Moroun Family Flag on the island. If he does, they will capture it.

We will follow this story all day today and every April Fool’s Day if we have to.