The art of Phallic Skywriting is an ancient one, originally known only to the Druids. Then in 1922, U.S. advertisers perfected the art of sky lettering.
Recently, over Okanogan County, Washington, a U.S. Navy pilot used his jet’s contrail to draw a massive one-mile tall penis in the sky.
Many experts who visited the town of Omak, Washington (pop. 2500) thought the Sky Penis was a code to let aliens know this town is extra fertile.
Hailing from Naval Air Station Whidbey Island, the pilot’s jet was a $67 million dollar Boeing EA-186 Growler, usually used for electronic warfare and traveling twice as fast as the speed of sound and yes, now known for the occasional Sky Penis.
The U.S. Navy was not happy.
However, to many residents of Omak, the sight was magical.
Local retired skywriter or “cloud-tootler” as the slang is called, Earl Willis, said “Back when I was a cloud-tootler, we’d draw big penises in the sky all the time. In fact, it was thought that whoever could draw the biggest penis accurately in the sky, actually had the biggest penis in his pants in real life. I’m not trying to brag but I always drew the biggest penis, so…”
The Omak Sky Penis was one mile high and completed via a variety of aerial maneuvers at 200mph. The penis was visible for hundreds of miles.
There is also a theory that instead of a penis, the pilot was trying to draw the world’s biggest top hat. You decide.
The U.S. Navy had to publicly admit that “Yes, our $67mil Boeing EA-186 Growler jets are not only keeping the skies safe but are also sometimes used for drawing sky penises. Next question.”